freewrite week 5 day 4

Cancer sucks.  I know this is nothing new but this week it really sucks.  A close friend of ours found out that chemo is no longer helping her.  She has been battling cancer for over five years.  She has had two major surgeries to remove it and three huge rounds of chemo.  He doctor told her yesterday there is no longer anything they can do for her.  It comes down now to her quality of life.  The chemo makes her sick and weak.  At least now what time she has left she will feel better.  I know she plans to travel and see family.  I kind of had a feeling a couple years ago after her last surgery, things weren’t great.  The scans showed cancer in three places but when they opened her up it was in five places.  Then they started chemo again.  She has been a big part of my family’s lives.  We even named our daughter after her.  She has been nothing but a positive and strong person this whole time.  She is still all of that but scared I think now.  Who wouldn’t be?  The doctors can’t tell her how long she has; which to me is scarier than knowing you’re going to die.  It could be years or it could be months.  I know that all we can do in our family is pray and see her as much as we can while she feels well.  I know it’s crazy in a morbid way but I would rather know that I’m dying.  I could prepare.  Nothing makes death any easier.  It makes me think of the movie P.S. I love you.  I would want to leave my life the same way with gifts for my love ones to keep going after.  But I’m also a person who since high-school has thought of my funeral.  Again I know it’s morbid.  I know songs I would play and pictures I would include.  I think everyone should think about it and I think it strange not to.